yoz… how life in TP? Teck Peng? haha…

tp? hmm. life in tp is okay. but life outside tp isn’t that ok. lol! but anyohow, i’m still the chirpy me.
how bout u? how’s life?

since u commented here,
i assume i have to do the evaluation for u also. haha.

Comment on this post, and I’ll:
1 - Tell you why I friended you.
because i had a crush on u! :X

2 - Associate you with a song/film.
cao ge’s bao hu ni

3 - Tell a random fact about you.
apple has a few ear piercings

4 - Tell a first memory about you.
you’ve got a firm ass la :P hahas

5 - Associate you with a character/pairing.
erm, apple is apple la. hahas.

6 - Ask something I’ve always wanted to know about you.
ehh. are u attached now?

7 - Tell you my favorite user pic of yours [if it pertains].
i neh see any user pic of urs! cos u’re not in my msn list! so quick! add me now :X

8 - In retort, you must post this in your LiveJournal (LJ). :)
blog it blog it :D

1 - Tell you why I friended you.
because you are my junior in NP and SL board and many more...

2 - Associate you with a song/film.
RiChArD mArX FeAt. dOnNa lEwIS - aT ThE bEgInNin_ [aNaStAsIa]

3 - Tell a random fact about you.
very hard to ask u out... haha...

4 - Tell a first memory about you.
4th january 2003

5 - Associate you with a character/pairing.
dun now y suddenly think of minnie mouse..

6 - Ask something I’ve always wanted to know about you.
other than how life in TP... hmmm... how about 1 qns/day?

7 - Tell you my favorite user pic of yours [if it pertains].
hmmm... dun have any also... will add you if i managed to find ur email...

8 - In retort, you must post this in your LiveJournal (LJ). :)
haha... u did it...

OTHERS WANT TO SEE YOU SUCCEED, NOT FAIL
assuming others are on your side and care about your success will abate many negative thoughts about how the world views you. if you believe that people would rather see you fail than succeed, then you are forced to be suspicious, overly averse to risk, and otherwise selfconscious. with this new assumption, comments by a supervisor who may indeed have your best interests in mind are not viewed as condemnations but rather as useful mentoring. you can see immediately that if you would adopt this assumption, you would be less inclined to a hijacking the next time your boss says something about your performance.

OTHERS' INTENTIONS ARE NOT TO HARM YOU
as we master our assumption related to the motives of others, this new assumption helps us to feel trust and safety and frees us to take risks and express ourselves. you still may want to avoid dark lonely alleys late at night, but this new assumption will help you gain a healthy perspective about others.

MOST INCONSIDERATE ACTS ARE NOT AIMED AT YOU PERSONALLY
most of us give way too much credit to the motives of others. most people are not aiming their inconsiderate acts at you. instead, they simply may be misinformed, misguided, or just not paying attention, and you happen to be on the receiving end of behaviors in these situations. more people are simply thoughtless rather than motive driven in creating a bad day for you. if you hang on to the belief that motives lie behind every action, you'll spend your day trying to figure out the grand sheme when none exists.

YOU ARE WORTHY
this might be assumption worth cultivating. too ofen people experience the opposite and, therefore, assume that others think the same. low self worth can leave us feeling defensive and hurt. in the workplace, as you practice feeling worthy, you give yourself the power and freedom to perform at your top level. as long as you believe that you are not worthy, you will have difficulty acheving your full potential.

PEOPLE WILL COME THROUGH
as you shift your assumptions about other people and their performances, you will find that a shift will occur in their performances. this is partly the result of what you're expecting to find, but it's also coming from the notion that people will perform better when we believe they will. if you think objectively about the number of people that you encounter in the workplace, most do their jobs. most do come through. it's just that we may tend to focus on the times and the people who do not. this assumption is powerful for leaders and for coworkers.

IT'S PROBABLY NOT AS BAD AS I THINK
you've got that right. put your rational brain to work, and i'm sure you can come up with many scenarios that could be worse. this new assumption will get you through many difficult moments. besides, it will help you to move from your diaster-thinking to true problem-solving. if we are overcome by catastrophizing over a situation, it render our brains incapable of doing their best work.

I WILL SURVIVE
believe that, indeed, you will survive, even in the face of adversity. assuming that you are strong will make you stronger. the power behind this assumption is in knowing that your spirit is strong. we act what we believe.

TODAY WILL BE A GOOD DAY
facing each day with this assumption will statistically improve your reality. optimism may also improve life expectancy. in a five-year follow-up with patients in this heart surgery study, optimists, as compared to pessimists, were more likely to adhere to healthier habits such as using vitamins, eating less fatty foods, and enrolling in a cardiac rehabilitation program. the optimists had increased life expectancy because of these actions. therefore, thsi assumption will provide you with a new direction for your energy. why? because when you make this assumption, you suddenly have a renewed sense of how to spend your time and you enhance your sense of commitment to your tasks.

THIS IS TEMPORARY
recognizing that most problem situations are temporary makes it much easier to recover. if we believe that our distress will be forever, then coping with the problem amy seem overwhelming. assume, instead, that our problems will pass. this create an entirely different mindset regarding both the problem at hand and the future.

I HAVE POWER TO CHANGE MANY THINGS
when we assume power, our position changes from one of helplessness to one of control. sure, some things we can't control, but, for the most part, situations at work are among the things we can improve. the outcome may depend on the methods we use to intiate and execute that action, but, for the most part, people respond positively to others who take action to improve situations. career satisfaction in particular is stronger when people take responsibility for their situations. one of the traits of happy people is personal control. happy people believe they choose their own destinies.

acceptance also allows you to enjoy the journey instead of always being concerned about the outcome. it's life; it isn't going to go exactly as planned. accept that and move on. we also have to accept that other people don't always behave as we expect either, and that, too, requires aceptance. we can't, nor should we try to, control other people. although we might have people interest at heart, we have to accept that not everyone wanted our help in succeeding. we need to accept that people have a right to make their own choices even if those choices could lead to termination.

acceptance is not about resignation. there is huge difference. those who are resigned may withdraw from life, believing that they can no longer make a difference. they feel impotent in the face of life. their energy is drained, as they believe they are unable to make a difference. acceptance is another matter. it allows people to spend their energy wisely. it allows them to evaluate where to spend their energy so they can make a difference and live their live's purpose and when they should just accept the situation as it is. acceptance allows people to know the difference so that they don't become depleted in trying to control things that are outside of their realm of power. acceptance helps people to set boundaries on their effort and energy. acceptance allows people to move on to where they can contribute wisely. acceptance can also lead to forgiveness, which is a powerful force of energy.

writing is the path to awareness. i'm ot talking about anything fancy here. neither spelling nor gammer count. even logic doesn't count. i'm just talking about the act of putting words on paper. raw flow. it makes life clear. it forces us to clarify our intentons. it forces us to confront what bothers us. it forces us to face up to our inconsistencies. it forces us to take a stand. it forces us to know ourselves. write it down. yes, it's that important. the best advice i can possiblygive if you are imterested in developing greater emotional intelligence is to begin to journal every morning.

once we get those muddy, maddening, confusing thoughts on the page, we face our day with clearer eyes, we are more honest with ourselves and others, more centered, more spiritually at ease. journaling is about reflection. it is reflection at its finest. without reflection, there is no movement. without reflection it is possble to repeat the same mistakes without even realising that you are making them.

when you notice that the same lessons or the same problems keep recurring in your life, you must ask yourself, 'what is it that you haven't changed?' also, you must reread your journals to discover the progress, the repeated areas where we continually make the same mistakes, and for hints about secrets still to be uncovered.

only writing down in a journal gives you the opportunity to have access to the history of your inner thoughts. it's very powerful to have that kind of record in life.

reflection is the rain and sunshine and the fertilizer that can turn life experience into wisdom. without reflection, our promising seeds of wisdom will die. with reflection, they will sprout and bear fruit that can be harvested and enjoyed daily. i know of no one area of life where this holds truer than in the area of emotional intelligence. sure, you can become a wiser gardener, a wiser cook, or a wiser mechanic with experience; the years are bound to teach you something. but to become a better parent, a better leader, a better person will require thoughtful reflection on these intangible acts that make up our human interactions. the measures are also more obsure in the latter. as i become more adroit in the kitchen, i know that i can handle a knife better than i did thirty years ago. i can see the result. yet how do i know that i am a better person?

life will provide us with ample opportunities to practice becoming better people, but reflection will help us decide what to do with those opportunities.

review and reflection of our daily interactions with others is our mental practice at becoming wiser. it is the opportunity to rewire our brains, to mentally practice different endings and to practice being our most inspired selves. it's all about reflecting on what went well and rehearsing to make the rest of it better. reflection is a wonderful way to get you closer to understanding your emotional reaction in the moment, which is the true mastery of emotional intelligence.

reflection is not about regret. sure, you will experience some regret as you reflect, but regret in and of itself is a useless emotion. you can use regret as a signal to ur brain that something requires improvement. beyond that, let it go. if you use your reflection time solely for regret, and you practice beating yourself up for your errors, you'll accomplish nothing other than to become better at self-degradation. this will not serve as a mean to greater emotional intelligence.

when we reflect, we must reflect on how others actually received the information or interaction, not what we intended for them to receive. let's say i decided to give you a lollipop. my intentions are good. i think it is something that is good to do. and feel good about doing it. so, i could go about this business of reflection feeling good about my decision to give you a lollipop. but the thing that i must consider is not how i felt about it, but how did you feel about receiving it? the 'fact' is how my intention was received. if you received it and were happy about it, then i have lived my intention. so reflection should take into consideration not only what your intentions were and how you felt about your actions, but more importantly, how did others who were on the receiving end of your intentions view your actions. i'm only suggesting that intentions alone are not enough. intentions executed into actions that others perceive in the manner in which we intend truly align us. and the only way to determine this is to reflect on how others receive our behavior.

humour is a powerful force for changing perceptions, mood, and emotional reactions. developing a sense of humour about yourself and life's situations can help redirect your emotional response. although research is still quite limited, prelimary studies suggest that humour may change moods that produce changes in the body chemistry that promote healing. in pain, humour is reported to be a cognitive techique for increasing pain tolerance. we should use humour to separate the truly threatening from what's not truly threatening. learn to laugh at the day-to-day things and reserve seriousness for what is really tragic, coz we tend to blow things out of proportion.

for example, how often is something in the workplace truly tragic? yes, there have been serious and tragic incidences of workplace violence. but i'm toking about everyday incidents that people react to in a way that suggests disaster. too many people spend a dollar's worth of energy on a situation that is worth about a penny. if you look at the light side, find something humorous about your reaction, you may find that life is just easier.

we can allow humour to shed light on our shortcomings. and we must admit that sometimes our shortcomings and mistakes are downright hilarious. if we could just look from afar with a playful heart, we would see that at times we are truly ridiculous. sometimes, we are the most ridiculous when trying to be the most serious. step back and appreciate the humour of you. read the comics section in the newspaper, watch the lastest TV sitcom, or go to the movies. Laugh. identify with the characters. where can you see youself? which cartoon character exemplifies you at your most absurd? where can you laugh at yourself? the ability to laugh at our shortcomings and mistakes makes our spirit light. in lightness we can dance to greater height.

use humour as a way to redirect your thinking and to divert your potential hijacking. it's fun and harmless. people who attain this ability to laugh at themselves actually feel a greater sense of control of their lives, and when they feel this control, they are able to take responsibility. remember, the humour should be directed at you or at the situation that you find yourself in, not someone else. if not just imagine humour as private jokes within yourself. be sure they stay confined in the head.

1st, breathe. the techique is to close your mouth and count to eight while breathing in slowly and deeply through your nose. take your breath all the way down to your belly. place your hand on your belly and feel it expand like a balloon. gently let the air out through your mouth. repeat at least ten times.

2nd, there should be some physical movemen that you immediately can revert to as you breathe. examples include taking a long sip of coffee, removing glasses, adjusting your tie, getting up and stretching, or consciously shifting your body weight.

3rd, you should have a mantra that you can recite while breathing and performing the physical movement. that mantra should be uniquely yours and should be something that helps you shift your thoughts and gain perspective. "it's okay" "smilez" "are you willing to die for it?" are some examples of mantras. whatever your risk, whether it be anger or fear or some other emotions that hold you back from living your intentions, having a well-thought-out mantra will get you through some difficult moments.

the simple actions make up this step "Pause", a deep long breath, a shift in your physical movement, and a mantra, should be practiced and rehearsed until you can instantly revert to this pattern.

confirmation bias, which occurs when you look only for information to confirm your position and ignore any conflicting data. Let's say you are shopping for a car, and you're already leaning toward a particular brand. you will tend to focus on all of the positive information you hear or read about that brand and filter negative information that does not support your leaning.

the same bias occurs in our relationships with others. if we have already decided we like a particular person or coworker, we do not judge his or her behaviours as harsely as we may someone we like less. managers have been taught for years to be concerned with "the halo effect" when preparing employee ratings. the halo effect tends to filter perceptions so that the manager perceives only positive information because he or she had a positive bias toward the employee. no wonder claims of favoritism arises. likewise, if you view a particular coworker in a negative light sometimes called " the horn effect", you will look for information that confirms your bias. from an emotional intelligence point of view, this information can have an important impact that will set the stage for your encounters with that person. each encounter is an opportunity to prove your bias. and more often than not, this information will be based on first impressions that are difficult to overcome.

mood is the underlying effect you experience. it sets the framework for how you may asses a particular stimulus. for instance, if you are in a good mood and you spill a cup of coffee, you may laugh and joke about a klutz. spilling a cup of coffee when you are in a bad mood may cause you to become angry, lash out, and blame your spouse for purchasing cups with handles too small for your fingers. moods tend to be more a state of mind, and certain moods may tend to characterize your personality. some people are characterized as generally sullen; others are more jovial. mood can be looked on as a more long-lasting characteristic,although moods can certainly change. mood, then, sets the stage for how you may react. more and more research suggests that a positive mood makes people more helpful and cooperative in the workplace. in also reduces aggressive behaviour.

so, your mood may certainly sffect your performance on the job. your emotional reaction often depends on your mood; therefore, your mood may predict your emotional reaction to certain events.

dwelling set the stage for a variety of unwanted behaviours. let's say i dwell on a particular injustice. over and over again, i focus on and speak about how i was wronged. it consumes my thoughts and causes my "egregious injustice voice" to speak louder and louder. now, if some minor injustice occurs, such as being skipped at the deli counter, all of a sudden ia am hijacked. do you find yourself dwelling on things that could influence behaviours that take you away from your intention? in fact, this dwelling may cause you to expand the situation beyond your concerns. another example of dwelling may occur in grief. through the mask of grief, it is difficult to see or experience joy, yet the more we dwell on the loss, the more we experience the loss. experiencing loss is a healthy and important rite of passage, and it takes time to heal, but the difference is in remebering the loss for the joy and satisfaction that we gained, not just for the sorrow that it brings. in the workplace, if we dwell on a loss of status or position or lament the way things used to be, we will be trapped into comparing everthing that occurs unflavourably to the past. we will be confined to a joyless work life.

without self-awareness and control, it is difficult, if not impossible, to improve one's relationship with the outside world. for example, if i am not aware of my actions, thoughts, and words, i have no basis for self-understanding. if i have some awareness and self-understanding, then i can ask, what is my impact on others in my current state? if i find that impact to be negative and detracting from my life goals, i may choose to change my actions, thoughts, or words. in emotional intelligence, this change is what we call self-control. it is about knowing and then determining the appropriate volumn level and expression for our emotions. how can these emotions enhance our relationships with others and out life goals? how can they detract from them? thus, self-awareness and self-control are interwined, as self-awareness alone will be of little service without self-control.

reflection on which behaviours are causing harm and inhibiting us from becoming who we intend to be serves an important purpose. none of this, however, can occur without thoughtful direction. glimpses of insight must be cultivated so that these moments will result in lessons truly learned. if not, these moments will fade quickly, and we will repeat our errors in the next encounter.

thoughtful and purposeful reflection can produce new learning. this new learning will eventually rewire our brain so that our emotional reactions are more in line with our intentions. that's not to say that we will never experience emotional hijacking, but rather that we will often be able to redirect a hijacking before it takes over en route to a land we don't care to visit. ... ... capitalizing on that experience opens tha path to greater emotional intelligence(EQ). accumulating these experiences create new pathways for our brain and reinforces behaviours that are more in line with our intentions.

the emotional capacity of an individual can increase with age and life experiences. this capacity certainly includes the ability to manage oneself and one's relationships. For example, life experiences change not only the knowledge level but also the emotional wiring that contributes to people's maturity. given the normal path of development, a toddler and a teenager learn how to control impluses. as a result, emotional outbursts lessen as they mature. the same toddler and teenager are also accumulating life experiences in the hippocampus and the amygdala that contribute to their development. so their capacity for emotional intelligence(EQ) is actually increasing. take another example. many children have not experienced loss and its accompanying grief, so they may not fully understand these concepts. however, as we age and experience loss in our lives, we develop a greater capacity to understand our own experiences and to empathize with others who may be experiencing loss. in this way, our capacity increases and adds to our emotional intelligence(EQ). however, without reflection and purposeful direction, some of that capacity with surely be lost.

there was a father who for some reason wanna tell a story to his son by giving him sweets if he listen to the story... so the kid say okie to the sweet... this is the story that was told to the kid... ...

"one day Mr A and Mr B came by a lump of shit... then Mr A say he is willing to give Mr B $100 if he is willing to eat the lump of shit... Mr B ate the shit and got the $100... and got a bad stomachache... days after, Mr A came to Mr B and ask if he could lend him $50... Mr B remembering the pain he went through, told Mr A that he will give him $100 instead without the need to pay back if he is willing to eat his shit... Mr A desperate for money agree to the idea and ate the shit and got the $100... and a bad stomachache... in the end, both of them ate shit for nothing... since the $100 offset itself... "

after listening to the story, the son told his father...
"so am i smart? i get to eat sweets and listen to free story..."

written on 27th march 07, 1.45pm...

i discovered that i love Singapore... nice weather... safe city... free from natural disaster and war... healthy and save to consume food and drink... i realised that the citizens basic requirements and necessities are already well taken care of... the country with no beggars... the country where as long as you are willing to work, u will not starve... green city and cosy city... good network of traffic, good network of internet... good bio-chem hospital... world-class airport... lotz of chiobus with all kind of different style... low crime rate... where u will feel safe to walk alone on a deserted street or alley... the city where the responsibility of most students is to study without the worry for finance... the country where there is singlish... the country where there is a diversify of races and colour... the country where car come with air-con... country where even bus come with air-con... fine city... people go law by law, rule by rule... but not for long... seemed to be evolving... lol... country where you can find entertainment easily though not very entertaining... and expensive... country where the cost of living is reasonably high... country where poor family dare to enjoy expensive living... not very good... but it is possible... the country where u can travel from end to end in 2 hours...

2.30pm