reflection is the rain and sunshine and the fertilizer that can turn life experience into wisdom. without reflection, our promising seeds of wisdom will die. with reflection, they will sprout and bear fruit that can be harvested and enjoyed daily. i know of no one area of life where this holds truer than in the area of emotional intelligence. sure, you can become a wiser gardener, a wiser cook, or a wiser mechanic with experience; the years are bound to teach you something. but to become a better parent, a better leader, a better person will require thoughtful reflection on these intangible acts that make up our human interactions. the measures are also more obsure in the latter. as i become more adroit in the kitchen, i know that i can handle a knife better than i did thirty years ago. i can see the result. yet how do i know that i am a better person?

life will provide us with ample opportunities to practice becoming better people, but reflection will help us decide what to do with those opportunities.

review and reflection of our daily interactions with others is our mental practice at becoming wiser. it is the opportunity to rewire our brains, to mentally practice different endings and to practice being our most inspired selves. it's all about reflecting on what went well and rehearsing to make the rest of it better. reflection is a wonderful way to get you closer to understanding your emotional reaction in the moment, which is the true mastery of emotional intelligence.

reflection is not about regret. sure, you will experience some regret as you reflect, but regret in and of itself is a useless emotion. you can use regret as a signal to ur brain that something requires improvement. beyond that, let it go. if you use your reflection time solely for regret, and you practice beating yourself up for your errors, you'll accomplish nothing other than to become better at self-degradation. this will not serve as a mean to greater emotional intelligence.

when we reflect, we must reflect on how others actually received the information or interaction, not what we intended for them to receive. let's say i decided to give you a lollipop. my intentions are good. i think it is something that is good to do. and feel good about doing it. so, i could go about this business of reflection feeling good about my decision to give you a lollipop. but the thing that i must consider is not how i felt about it, but how did you feel about receiving it? the 'fact' is how my intention was received. if you received it and were happy about it, then i have lived my intention. so reflection should take into consideration not only what your intentions were and how you felt about your actions, but more importantly, how did others who were on the receiving end of your intentions view your actions. i'm only suggesting that intentions alone are not enough. intentions executed into actions that others perceive in the manner in which we intend truly align us. and the only way to determine this is to reflect on how others receive our behavior.